I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
