Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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