I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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