The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
