She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
