Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
