how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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