...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize