marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
