I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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