Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
