just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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