It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize