haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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