We left an ass print on the piano.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
