my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
