he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
