Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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