margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
