I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
