Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
