Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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