no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
