At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
