I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
