I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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