evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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