I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
