someone get that fucking seahorse.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
