Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
