How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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