if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
