Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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