Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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