If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
