I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
