the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize