he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
