if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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