I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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