You're my little dorito
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
