Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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