I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I want is dick and wine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
