you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
