I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
