I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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