I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
