He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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