What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize