her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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