Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
