she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
