when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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