Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
