He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
