sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
