super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
