i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The beer is more important than you right now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
