The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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