WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
