You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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