i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
