I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and she was petting her beer can
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
