I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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