I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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