never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
