And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
