Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
